Asian Girls with Low Self Esteem

The St. Cloud (Minnesota) chapter of the National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum is holding a retreat this weekend for Asian American teen girls.

According to their research in Minnesota, Asian American girls in the state “have the lowest level of self-esteem among 12th-grade girls of any race or ethnicity.” If AA girls' self-esteem is lower than that of the barely legals that flash their tits to Joe Francis's cameras in Cancun, then that's really god damn low. [Okay, so that's anecdotal. In all the late night cable "Girls Gone Wild" ads I've seen, there have only been Caucasian lasses. But I could be wrong.]

I'm wondering if they'll let me attend. Could I pass for 17 or 18 years of age? I could say that my low self esteem is due to the fact that I look 25 and get psychic flashes of a future filled with thankless jobs and awkward sexual encounters. Hell, if that's not grounds for having low self-esteem...

But in all seriousness, I like the idea of this retreat. Had there been one in Columbus, OH when I was a senior in high school and not completely averse to hanging out with other Asians, I would have signed up. For reals.

Imagine this scenario: You're bashed for being smart by your classmates, bashed by your parents if you're dumb, your lack of curves gets you ridiculed by peers but if you carry extra weight your family and Asian friends call you a cow, your beauty is compared to white women, you're lambasted for dating white men, you're a slut if you have sex but you're a spinster if you're not married by your mid-twenties. you should excel in school (whilst avoiding the boys who now think you're hot, despite calling you "Chink," "Jap," and "Gook" in your younger days) and get a prominent job, but it won't matter because you'll still be considered less smart and less accomplished than your brother or male cousins. Men will one day view you as an Asian porn seductress, an eternal schoolgirl, or a maid.

And top of that, you'd got to play the motherfucking violin.

A retreat? These girls should get a fucking cruise dedicated to them. The Queen Back The Fuck Up. Or the USS I'm 'Bout To Lose My Shit. Oh, the events I would plan as cruise director on that ship...

I would like to be a fly on the wall during this retreat, to hear the concerns of a group of young women who are often overlooked. Being labeled a model minority only pertains to academic or professional achievement; there's nothing model about suppressed emotions, buckling under the intense pressure to excel, or completely losing one's identity to attain someone else's idea of success. And no future promises of money and so-called respect really assuages those feelings, especially when you're still a youngster.

What's worse, in my humble opinion? A lot of Asian American girls are expected to be devoid of hormones, of curiosity, of the urge to be a kid. Adolescence is about saying dumb things, breaking rules and minor laws, and rubbing up against yourself and others. You take that from a kid and substitute it with TI-92 graphing calculator and some Vivaldi, and you're setting that kid up for either a) binge drinking and venereal disease as soon as they get to that Ivy League school or UC or b) an emotionally stunted adulthood replete with loveless marriage, overtime at the office, and a constant state of regret-tinged malaise.

Of course, most parents would say, "Option B doesn't sound so bad! It's a lot better than I had it back in my day!"

True. But Asian mamas and papas, please remember: you moved here for a reason. You can't expect an American upbringing to have no effect on your kid whatsoever. And besides, adolescent wanderings aren't particular to Americans. You had your own rebellious, masturbatory phases in your youth. Of course, you were dodging bullets, bombs, and ass whuppings like we can't imagine, but still...you snuck in those moments here and there. Let your daughters do the same. Cut the Confucian bullshit and recognize them as equals to your sons. If college retention and graduation rates are any indication, they're doing better than your boys anyway. Think of them as, hear me out, human beings. Give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

And to the girls? Don't be afraid to rebel. Letting your parents down can actually be kind of fun. Think about all your parents' friends muttering in the grocery store or at church, "They sure screwed up in raising that one." Oh snap, Mom and Dad! I realize our parents have birthed and raised us, and probably do genuinely love us. But you're no good to them if you're perpetually unhappy and dissatisfied, and you'll be no good to the children you eventually bear with all of that residual resentment.

Disappoint, ladies. Disappoint.